I Delight in the Gradual Increase and Large-Scale Assaults in AI Games. Is it Possible to Reproduce This in Multiplayer Modes?
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I’d say create your own lobby. Be clear as you can in the title and lobby chat and then also vet players on aoe2.net. If you play often, chances are you’ll find you play some of the same people regularly and that helps a lot. Sometimes I know about everyone in my lobbies and we can just ask anyone unknown and depending on their answer you kick or play.
Just look for custom games. People play against AI there or agree on a slower mode.
Ranked however is about aggression as this is established meta.
I would recommend you do custom lobby games and stick to purely the Arena and Black Forest maps.
Those two lend themselves well to longer, more low ELO friendly matches because your base is easily defensible. You’ll find plenty of lobbies for “noob” games. Though you’ll run into Smurfs from time to time. The discord server I run with plays arena a lot, and in my experience if you host it people will usually join pretty fast.